Ten Steps to Build Self-Confidence and Self Esteem

"Build self-esteem & confidence. Overcome challenges, give, find support, practice gratitude, be kind, conquer shyness, pursue hobbies. Love yourself, thrive!"

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Self-esteem and self-confidence are two words often used in relation to the impact they have on the quality of our lives. Are these traits necessary to lead a successful life? Do self-confidence and self-esteem play a role in our decision-making? Does self-esteem affect what kind of friends we choose or the job we apply for? Does our level of self-confidence influence the way we raise our family?

The answer to these questions is yes! Studies show that people with low self-esteem and low self-confidence live with a higher level of self-doubt and guilt, are prone to anxiety and depression, are low achievers, and engage in harmful behaviors. Low self-esteem and low self-confidence have a strong negative impact on the quality of our lives.

On the other hand, those with a healthy level of self-esteem and self-confidence are more successful in life. People enjoy their companionship, they perform better at school or at a job, they have the strength to overcome challenges, and deal with life stressors. People with healthy self-confidence can develop long-lasting relationships, are trustworthy, and live life with an overall sense of happiness. In summary, both self-esteem and self-confidence play a critical role in the quality of our lives.

Now that you understand how self-confidence and self-esteem enable or disable a person to lead a more successful life, you may be left wondering, what are these traits and how do I obtain them? The Oxford Dictionary defines self-esteem as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities and having self-respect. Self-confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. How does one come to appreciate their good qualities and develop trust in their capabilities? How does one learn to respect themselves? Follow these ten steps and you will learn.

Ten steps to self-confidence and self-esteem:

The first step to building self-esteem is to create a value system and honor it. Ask yourself, what are my values? What do I hold important in life? Once this is defined, you do everything possible to live by them. As life goes on these values will be challenged. Success in remaining loyal to your values will promote your self-esteem.

The second step to building healthy self-confidence is to overcome difficulties in life. Whether it’s a mental challenge, an emotional hardship, or a physical disability, working hard to surpass the hurdle builds self-confidence. We all face hardships in life and these challenges are key factors in developing our self-worth and self-actualization. (Self-actualization is defined as the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and potential.)

The third step to building self-esteem is to feel comfortable in the way you present yourself. For example, it is important to feel good in the clothes you wear. It’s important to feel good about your appearance. If one is embarrassed or uncomfortable about their clothes or appearance, they should change it or learn to accept and love it. Dressing well is a tool to promote self-esteem.

The fourth step to building self-esteem is to become a giver. Find ways to give to others and this will build your self-esteem. Some ideas of giving are volunteering once a week, lending a hand to a friend, or being available for your family. This is proven to build self-confidence.

There are times in life when we are challenged and lack the self-confidence to persevere. This is when a healthy support system is needed. The fifth step is to secure a reliable support system. This is done by making a mental note of whom you can reach out to in times of need. Accepting support and encouragement helps us increase our level of self-confidence.

The sixth step offers a few easy self-confidence boosters one should keep handy. Stand tall, don’t be afraid to take up space, make eye contact with others, and offer a smile to people you meet. Showing that you are confident on the outside helps you build internal confidence.

Developing an overall sense of happiness is the seventh step to building self-esteem. The way to build happiness is through gratitude. Charlie Harary, noted author and lecturer, explains that we all have a personal baseline of happiness. As we go through life and events occur, our level of happiness increases or decreases depending on the event. With time, we naturally come back to our personal baseline. Haray explains that if one wants to raise their baseline of happiness, one should increase their gratitude. Find things to be grateful for and you will raise your happiness baseline which will in turn boost your self-esteem.

The eighth step to building self-confidence and self-esteem is being kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for making mistakes. Compliment yourself when you surpass a challenge. Be generous to yourself like you are to others. You deserve it.

The ninth step to self-confidence is to overcome shyness. For example, allow yourself to be noticed and add your opinion to a conversation. If you are going to a lecture or a meeting, sit in the front row. Introduce yourself to others by stating, “Hi, my name is _. What’s your name? What brought you here today…”

The final step to building self-confidence is to develop a hobby. There are many hobbies such as exercising, painting, playing an instrument, photography, and so on. Mastering a new skill proves to oneself that you can accomplish something great which then leads to higher self-confidence. Furthermore, engaging in an activity that is either relaxing or invigorating builds self-confidence as well.

In summary, following these ten steps to self-confidence and self-esteem requires one to push themselves beyond their comfort zone to enable change. Positive change is the key to growth. The building blocks to developing one’s self-confidence and self-esteem start with, creating a value system and staying loyal to it, overcoming challenges, feeling comfortable in your own skin, giving to others, and having a support system. Being confident in the way you present yourself, creating inner happiness, being kind to yourself, challenging your shyness, and finding a hobby are the final tools for setting yourself up for success. One would follow these ten steps because building self-confidence and self-esteem enhances relationships, promotes efficiency at tasks, improves the quality of our lives, and so much more. Do it for yourself! You will only learn to love yourself more.

Rachel Freedman LMSW graduated from Yeshiva University with a master’s in social work and is licensed in the state of New York. Rachel currently works with adults who are looking for assistance in parenting, relationship improvements, emotional regulation, and more. Rachel helps her clients process and overcome traumatic events and develop a healthy sense of self. To hear more or to schedule an appointment Rachel can be contacted at The Place.

The Place

The Place is where therapists, individuals and the community connect to create safety, strength and success. At The Place, men and women discover the freedom and safety to move past those issues which are preventing them from living life to its fullest. Our goal is to help each of our clients discover his or her own strengths as powerful tools in the healing process.

The Place is a multi-faceted clinic offering both individual and group therapy, support groups, interactive evenings and lectures, educational classes, and drop-in hours. Our comfortable, confidential, relaxed environment allows clients and their families to explore sensitive issues and create positive change. We believe that the key to mental health and emotional well-being is inside you.

At The Place, male and female therapists work independently or as a team to explore sensitive issues and facilitate positive change for individuals, couples and families from all sectors of the community. Some of our specialties include emotional eating, grief counseling, internet addiction, phobias, anxiety & OCD, childhood challenges, premarital counseling, couples therapy and intimacy issues, postpartum support, personality disorders, psychiatric care, and more. Connect with a caring professional in person at our comfortable Jerusalem offices, or by video, phone, and text. We’re here for you.