Some people absolutely hate sunsets. They always bring up the memory of enjoying them with a parent who has long since passed. Others hate how their teenagers forget to check in when they’re going to be late. Don’t they realize how late it is? How much their safety means? Somehow, we can forget when a stranger throws a fit in the super market when you got to the last milk before he did. But, it’s near impossible for you to forget when your spouse did the same.
Life is filled with pain. We can’t escape it. There’s a very good reason for that, though. Pain is a sign something we value and love is on the line. It’s obvious when you say it out loud. What you love and value is the other side of the coin to pain. The problem is, in the moment when you’re in pain, it’s hard to remember that love and meaning.
When trying to solve the pains of life a lot of people set up the goal to end the pain. If that’s the only criteria that matters, the best strategy ends up being avoidance. The collateral damage of avoidance is we end up cutting out of our hearts the very things we love most. Memories of our parents, love towards our children, and intimacy with our partner. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
A better strategy is to throw in a huge qualifier. Reduce pain… but only in a way that doesn’t sacrifice what makes life worth living. No one is advocating hurting yourself. But it’s important to notice the possibility that cutting out some pain leads to a huge loss of happiness. More often than you think, pain points you in the right direction towards what you love.
Yonasan Bender, SW graduated from Hebrew University’s School of Social Work. He has his psychotherapy practice at The Place: The Jerusalem Centre for Emotional Wellbeing. To share your thoughts, experiences, questions, or a different perspective, you can reach Yonasan Bender at 053-808-0435 or email him by clicking HERE. To learn more about him and his work, click HERE.
About The Place
The Place is where therapists, individuals and the community connect to create safety, strength and success. At The Place, men and women discover the freedom and safety to move past those issues which are preventing them from living life to its fullest. Our goal is to help each of our clients discover his or her own strengths as powerful tools in the healing process.
The Place is a multi-faceted clinic offering both individual and group therapy, support groups, interactive evenings and lectures, educational classes, and drop-in hours. Our comfortable, confidential, relaxed environment allows clients and their families to explore sensitive issues and create positive change. We believe that the key to mental health and emotional well-being is inside you.
At The Place, male and female therapists work independently or as a team to explore sensitive issues and facilitate positive change for individuals, couples and families from all sectors of the community. Some of our specialties include emotional eating, grief counseling, internet addiction, phobias, anxiety & OCD, childhood challenges, premarital counseling, couples therapy and intimacy issues, postpartum support, personality disorders, psychiatric care, and more. Connect with a caring professional in person at our comfortable Jerusalem offices, or by video, phone, and text. We’re here for you.
Phone (02) 581 8299
Whatsapp 054 260 1468